When we first noticed something was wrong...

Updated: Jan 7, 2020

Logan was a full term, normal delivery. I had constant morning sickness during this pregnancy. He I never missed a prenatal appointment. Never missed a prenatal vitamin. I wanted to be the best mom possible. I prayed constantly, for the health of my baby as I was just over the moon about becoming a mom. When Logan was born, he was a very colicky baby. He began to arch his back and cry once he turned about 3 weeks old. I could tell he was in pain. Something was not right. Our pediatrician said it was unfortunate but colic is not that uncommon. He literally cried for 10-14 HOURS each day. He struggled with sleep.

My husband, James and I had to take turns at night swinging him in a blanket (like a stork). This was the only way Logan would relax his tense arched back and finally sleep. This meant that while he was sleeping we had to be awake to swing him in a blanket. I remember clearly leaning my arm and head against the cold wall and swinging him slowly (side to side) to help him rest. After doing this for several hours, I would tap James on the shoulder to have him take over so I could sleep. These first few months were #Teamnosleep.

Logan would not even latch on to nurse. We had a lactation specialist come to our apartment to help me, but this too was unsuccessful. I had no idea what I was doing wrong. I was exhausted. There is plenty of mom shaming to go around. I had read enough books prior to delivery to know that I absolutely wanted to breastfeed my baby. James and I had absolutely no family nearby. We were finishing our senior year in college when Logan was born. We were fighting an uphill battle. Trying to pump milk to put in Logans bottles, find enough time to study for our senior year finals, cook, etc. We were tired and weary. But we were in this together! We just chalked this up to be a great story to tell Logan when he was older... Ha! What a memorable time this was and we just had to get through these first few months. We honestly just assumed this was what raising a baby was like. I remember looking at James and we both had this look of OH MY GOD! We were #adulting and it was going to take every single ounce of strength and patience we had. Little did we know that with the birth of our daughter Cloey when Logan was barely two, and our baby Ethan when Logan was 3, that taking care of a newborn was actually not nearly as physically, or mentally exhausting. When Logan was born we thought that taking care of a baby was exceptionally difficult. We just assumed that was normal. However, after caring for Cloey and Ethan We quickly realized that it was a piece of cake compared to Logan's challenges. Logan's challenges were FAR from the norm. When Logan was diagnosed with autism at the age of 2, we breathed a sigh of relief. We knew it was not something we were doing wrong, and we had something to start focusing on- early intervention.

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